This online memorial was created in loving memory of Natasha Whitmore, whose life story is told throughout this memorial website. Please sign Natasha's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember Natasha forever. HER FAMILIES READINGS ARE ON PAGE 2 AND 3-------------------------- -------------------------------------

Please sign Natashas  guest page for Brendan and Dwane and  her family to help keep her memory alive and for the future generations to have something to know Natasha by.

Thank you

   I wear a mask to hide the pain
> I fear for my sons
> I cry for my sons
> I love my sons
> They cry, they hurt they wonder,
> How can she be gone/
> Why , how when will I accept,
> This pain that rips through my heart and soul,
> We need to accept
> We don't want to accept.
> There once was a girl
> The most beautiful girl
> Who lived in our lives
> Now she lives in our hearts
> She will never be forgotten
> We will talk about her
> We will let people know of the love she gave
> That her life held a purpose
> For us to learn
> She taught us more than anyone could
> She knows we love her
> She always has
> She has forgiven us as we have forgiven her
> Because we know how she suffered as
> No human should ever.
> So the world was blessed
> When she came into our lives
> To teach us about pain, love
> And lessons of forgiveness
> She will keep us strong, she will teach us not to make her mistakes
> For she gave her life
> So that we will be strong .
> Thank you beautiful Natasha
> Where ever you are.
>
> Your mum  who loves you
>
 

Thank you Bettina

The phone call.

It was 2.00am in the morning. The phone rang and my heart stopped. I knew something was wrong. Hubby answered I was too scared to answer it. He got off the phone and I felt releif. Its ok now I can go back to sleep.

Hubby came into the room and said Natasha is gone. The worst words I have ever heard.   No no no I screamed and ran out of the house. I ran down the street.  at 2.00am in the morning.  It cant be real.   I drank cups of coffee and smoked ciggarrettes and hoped they would make it not real. I passed out and dreamed the weirdest dreams and did not want to wake up. I prayed not to wake up.  When I did my hands didnt work I couldnt stop shaking . I had to book a flight. I called and let the airline do it as I could not touch the keyboard on my computer. The rest is a blur. I thank god for some of the numbness and shock that saved me in the beggining. No 17 months later it is all wearing off. Its true.

It is true that she is gone. I finally know it. Now I finally have to learn to accept but I dont know how.

new born

Natasha you my my first born , my only daughter given to me to protect love and cherish. I wish more than anything that was able to protect you like I was supposed to , Mothers are supposed to protect their children until they die. I have always loved and cherished you and will until Its my turn to go. 

Natasha fell asleep on the couch and did not wake up.

. They say it’s a beautiful journey from the old world to the new, someday I’ll take that journey that leads right to you and when I reach that garden where all are free from pain , I’ll put my arms around you and never ever let you go again. MUM

I remember your sweet little face as a baby and then as a little girl. I remember how sweet you were. I remember you laugh your tears. I remember your teenage years and believe it or not I even miss that. I miss your temper tantrums, your arguments I miss your smile your voice. I miss you sneeking out of the house. I miss you crying and telling me your problems. I miss your dirty bedroom.  .. I MISS YOU!

Nana

chosen by Natasha’s grandmother, Margaret. With tears we saw you suffer, As we watched you fade away, Our hearts were almost broken, As you fought so hard to stay. We knew you had to leave us, But you never went alone, For part of us went with you The day you left your home. NANA

The mention of Natasha's name may bring tears to my eyes. But it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you really are my friend, let me hear the music of her name! It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul. Author unknown

Natasha loved her more than words can say. Thank you mum for loving her unconditionally, Katrina

Do I ever cry myself to sleep, Do I hear you calling out for me in the middle of the night ..



The phone call.

It was 2.00am in the morning. The phone rang and my heart stopped. I knew something was wrong. Hubby answered I was too scared to answer it. He got off the phone and I felt releif. Its ok now I can go back to sleep.

Hubby came into the room and said Natasha is gone. The worst words I have ever heard.   No no no I screamed and ran out of the house. I ran down the street.  at 2.00am in the morning.  It cant be real.   I drank cups of coffee and smoked ciggarrettes and hoped they would make it not real. I passed out and dreamed the weirdest dreams and did not want to wake up. I prayed not to wake up.  When I did my hands didnt work I couldnt stop shaking . I had to book a flight. I called and let the airline do it as I could not touch the keyboard on my computer. The rest is a blur. I thank god for some of the numbness and shock that saved me in the beggining. No 17 months later it is all wearing off. Its true.

It is true that she is gone. I finally know it. Now I finally have to learn to accept but I dont know how.



http://natasha-whitmore.memory-of.com/Uploads/Videos/Video633312495827031250.wmv

A video of Natashas first years. Its not that great I did it just after she passed.

Natasha I miss you like the sky miss's the birds'

I miss you like a song without words'

I miss you like the sun miss's the day,

I need you like the desert that needs the rain,'

MUM

Natasha at 15 years old. The picture was taken from a photography studio who put her pictures in the mall on a giant board to advertise.

To My Natasha,

Every tear I shed, I shed for you my angel.

The more tears I shed means the more I loved you,

so with out my tears I am nothing ,

My pain is also my love for you,

so how can I wish it away,

Without pain there would have been no love,

My pain is so deep I am crawling on the floor,

I can't stand on my 2 feet, I can't get up,

But it's because I love you,

So I will embrace my pain,

Just like I wish I could embrace you my angel

Your mum

Katrina

You were my sunshine, through the good and the bad. 
   I remember when I helped you go back and earn your degree for an administrate assistant. I was so proud. I knew you could do it. 
  I remember when you got those tiny pink rollers stuck in your hair and I had to come over to cut them out. What were you thinking?
   I remember going to your apartment and me taking you food shopping because you were on a diet and kept no food in the house. I loved those days when we went shopping together. 

   I also remember how close we got when you got your apartment. We became such good friends. You used to tell me everything. I wish you had kept sharing your feelings when you moved to Australia. I hope you got my little love you cards that I sent. I so wish I had sent 1,000's more so you didn't feel alone, which I know you did at times because I know you, you are so sweet and sensitive thats what made you so special and so beautiful and I am talking about what was inside you. 

You loved  your brothers so much and they loved you. You would have done anything for them.

  , I have so many regrets, why is it that when we are alive we don't do all the should haves we keep putting them off until a later date . Then its too late. My biggest regret is not calling you in Australia more often. Even if you weren't home or were sleeping I should have kept trying  No excuse I was so wrapped up with my health stuff. No excuse Tash forgive me. I never went a day without thinking of you though.

 I am going to miss the fact that  the future for us is gone, GONE just like that, in the blink of an eye. I will never know whether you could have  gotten better or not. I am going to miss the fact I cant touch you, smell your sweet skin, hug you .  I wanted  to be a grandma.

My life is over as I once new it. I once had a daughter. I once had 3 kids.
 I still have your name in My address book. I still get mail addressed to you. Ever time I see these things I am ripped open again,
So I am going to try and think of our last times together and of the wonderful talk we had a few months before you left. Of your life in the US good and bad.
You are so missed . I am glad you are at peace and have no more pain.
But I am selfish I would rather have you with me. I loved you the second you were born and I will love you till the day I die.



 

Dwane and Brendan were the love of Natasha's life. There speeches are on page 2. She would have done anything for them when she was able. Dwane was who soul mate who knew more about her than anyone on earth. Brendan was her little brother who she wanted to protect more than anything

 Written by Dwane Natashas brother

We shall now share a eulogy to Natasha, written by her brother Dwane. Natasha was born in Canberra 27 years ago, the daughter of Katrina. She was the grand-daughter of Margaret and the late Kurt Pesenhofer. She has two brothers, Dwane and Brendan. For Natasha, it had to be an ice cream cake but Natasha’s first few birthday cakes where mums dodgy chocolate ones on the balcony of the Baringa Gardens which were made with as much love a mother can have. Tash was only just over a year old when her annoying little brother was born. It wasn’t long before the two were as much inseparable as they were at each other’s throats. So with the three of us crowding a tiny flat it was time to move to a bigger better house at 15 Joyner Place, Flynn. Even at such an early age you could see Tash's heart of gold covered with a strong minded attitude. Just down the end of the street lived Cassandra and Ryan, and the four of them Natasha, Dwane, Cassandra, and Ryan were best of friends, attending Flynn Primary until the age of ten. Going through what kids go through, Natasha was always so happy and cheerful with no worries in the world except if the boy around the street really liked her. She was about seven when Mum had finally met someone who she fell in love with. Being that he was from America and knowing that he loved her and Natasha and Dwane as his own, Mum made the decision to ship the family overseas to New Jersey. Natasha, excited and being so close with Cassandra and her many other friends, had a bit of trouble leaving them behind. As upset as she was about leaving her friends she was just as excited about the crazy and new world of America. Natasha, Mum, Dwane and Bobby moved to Elm Street, Bogota and Natasha quickly made friends with three girls next door and her new American class mates. With all the new wonders and different lifestyle she quickly matured and developed her own style and identity. She fell in love with fashion, music, boys and cheer-leading. Making friends with the kids in years above her and at school being put a year above her brother she became her own self. And although still at each other’s throats she always made sure that no one but she would give her brother Dwane trouble. A year had passed and the four of us moved into a smaller place to save money. Of course at Tash's request we did not move out of town, and leave our friends behind, so we moved into Queen Ann Road, Bogota only 10 minutes away below our crazy friends Louie, Lillie, little Louie, little Lillie and Charlene. By this time Mum and Bobby madly in love were expecting Natasha's second little brother. Being so excited the night Mum went into labor it wasn’t a surprise that Tash fell quickly in love with squishy cute brother Brendan. Watching her hold Brendan and the look in her eyes you knew how much she appreciated life and her family. As a few years, Tash, being 14, was seemingly a little displaced going through high school troubles and wanted a change. Mum and Aunty Helga thought a return to Australia would do her some good. So off she went again back to OZ settling with her aunt and her little cousin Kaleah and joining up to school. Again she became the most popular girl with all the boys after her and all the other girls so jealous. She was still really good friends with Cassandra and dating a class mate for a while. She enjoyed her life, time, and friends in Australia and after a year or so felt like returning to America, missing her Mum and brothers. While Tash was away in Canberra the family had moved home just a couple towns over to Bergenfield. Knowing Tash might be upset about the move we settled her nerves by giving her the master bedroom with her own toilet. Her makeshift entry would be in and out the back window to the back porch. Returning from Canberra Tash's continued friendship with Janet became even closer. As the average teenager she enjoyed learning and doing new things. Being the type of person she was - very courageous, she was not shy about trying anything at least once. She put on a persona as a tough chick not to be messed with. But for the people that really knew her she had all the same emotions as a topsy-turvy life of a teenager. And of course it was about this time she was 18 and wanted her independence. At the first opportunity she got herself a job and an apartment. It was this time when she thrived. Little miss glamorous, beautiful, confident and having all the fun in the world. She worked and she partied, spending money she didn’t have, but always expected she would. At this time she was happy dating her boyfriend, working and spending time with her family. Dwane and Brendan would have sleepovers at her apartment, go out for pizza, and have great times together enjoying each other’s company every time they were together. Natasha really loved having a baby brother to muck around with. Dwane found himself in the same position as Tash a few years earlier and again with Aunty Helga’s help decided to move back to Australia. So for the last couple of weeks before leaving and wanting to spend time with each other Dwane moved in with Tash. The two enjoyed each other’s company and having deep and meaningful conversations, getting to know everything they didn’t know. And there relationship grew from a brotherly sister love to respect. So of course it was hard to said goodbye. About two years later, going through personal troubles, she decided she would make one last move and with Aunty Helga and Mum’s help she settled herself in Australia. At first she wasn't quite sure about the move but once she was settled she was certain. This time around not being in school anymore meant it was harder meeting friends and socializing. She hung around with her brother and dated a couple of guys but was mostly in and out of a relationship with her friend Marty. Since returning to Australia Natasha's health was declining quite rapidly and she wasn’t quite as active as earlier years. Thinking herself years older than she was Tash went through ups and downs wanting more out of life than she could grasp. She had a few pet dogs that she loved dearly and spent a lot of time at home with them. She spent lots of time with her Nan. She always felt as if she could reach out to Nan. It was as if she was her second Mum. Tash felt comfortable confiding in Nan because of her unconditional love and acceptance. Nan was always there when Tash needed her and Tash loved and respected her Nan so much. At the early age of 27 Natasha past away in her sleep due to poor health. She was adored, loved, respected, and cherished. Her family is proud and honoured to have had her in our lives. We will miss her more than words can express.

www.imeem.com/wishingstar/video/k71jBKOh/mercy_me_homesick_mercy_me_music_video/